Afterward I asked her, “Do you think I’m wrong in holding on to my wishes about moving? Surely Kermit should consider my feelings, too.”Aunt Miriam gazed thoughtfully out the window for a few moments, then turned back to me and said, “I once heard the saying, ‘A man’s home is his castle.’ I believe that is the truth because God planned it that way from the beginning. The man is the head of the home and his wife must fit herself into the blueprint of his dreams. If she doesn’t and insists on having things her way instead of what her husband desires, she is a usurper to the throne, and I don’t believe that usurpers are ever happy.”
… “But surely the wife has a right to her dreams even if they differ from his.”
Aunt Miriam nodded. “You know that Kermit loves you and that if you don’t yield he will give up his own dreams bit by bit and give in to you. But in doing so, both of you will be weakening the foundation of your life together. A wise woman will never let that happen.
… “Tell me then, what is the answer when a husband and a wife want different things.”
Aunt Miriam’s smile was gentle as she replied, “The wife has a castle, too, a wonderful castle in which she reigns as a queen. It is strong and secure from without, but very fragile from within. She is the only one who can tear down that castle, for it is a living thing which must be nurtured and tended lovingly, or it will decay. A wife who is content to rule only within the bounds of her own castle can be gloriously happy. When she steps out of her domain, she is apt to be unhappy. God has given women a power that is noble, queenly, and good if rightly used. She remains in her castle only by accepting her husband’s plan for their life together, and by seeking to nurture and lovingly build her own private castle strong and sure.”
… On the way home it dawned on me what Aunt Miriam meant. The castle was the wife’s love of her husband. His happiness, virtues, faults, dreams, and dislikes must be accepted and hallowed by her love because these things make up her own secret castle. She must tend it lovingly, and in so doing will add a glory to the home of her husband’s choosing.
Suddenly, I made my decision. Kermit should be able to realize his dream of working in the outdoors under the big, blue sky.
Carrie Bender, Forget-Me-Not Lane
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14
