Last night I was watching an episode of The Waltons in which a young woman was widowed. She was so grief-stricken, and said as she wept that she knew there were beautiful things still left in the world, like sunsets and walks, but none of that made her happy. It actually made her feel worse, because she could not share those things with her husband. I could weep right alongside her, because that is how I feel as a divorced, unmarried woman. I try so very hard to look on the bright side and to thank God for the little things, but I am reminded so often throughout the day that I cannot share my world with a husband and that there is no one to help carry these burdens with me. If I see a picture of a happy couple on Facebook, even teenagers, it makes me cry. If I read the book of Ruth, my heart hurts deeply. If I see a man with his arm around his wife in church, I want to go somewhere and weep. I went to a wedding Saturday for a friend’s daughter and wondered again when would my dreams finally come true? How many must walk the aisle before me? My ex-husband has a whole new family now. What about me?
“My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies’ sake. . . .I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”
Psalm 6:3-4, 6
“How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?”