Last night I was watching an episode of The Waltons in which a young woman was widowed. She was so grief-stricken, and said as she wept that she knew there were beautiful things still left in the world, like sunsets and walks, but none of that made her happy. It actually made her feel worse, because she could not share those things with her husband. I could weep right alongside her, because that is how I feel as a divorced, unmarried woman. I try so very hard to look on the bright side and to thank God for the little things, but I am reminded so often throughout the day that I cannot share my world with a husband and that there is no one to help carry these burdens with me. If I see a picture of a happy couple on Facebook, even teenagers, it makes me cry. If I read the book of Ruth, my heart hurts deeply. If I see a man with his arm around his wife in church, I want to go somewhere and weep. I went to a wedding Saturday for a friend’s daughter and wondered again when would my dreams finally come true? How many must walk the aisle before me? My ex-husband has a whole new family now. What about me?
“My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies’ sake. . . .I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”
Psalm 6:3-4, 6
“How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?”
Psalm 13:1-2a
I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad sweet Janet…… {{{Gentle Hug}}}……I can relate to your feelings because of our being childless. I really had to gird up the loins of my mind and not allow my mind to go ‘there’ or I would be in the “depths of despair” all of the time. Sometimes I’m sad over it, but for the most part I have accepted that *my* reality is that I will never be a mother.
Do I ever feel sad about that? Yes. But I will not allow it to destroy my life or cause me misery because doing so won’t give me children and will just ruin my life.
Something else that helps me is to focus on the realities of motherhood. Yes, it’s a blessing, but there are a lot of difficulties too. The same with marriage. Yes marriage is a blessing, but I think we need to be careful and not idealize it as some blissful perfect thing. I have a wonderful husband, but it is not always easy to live with and be under submission to someone else.
And as the Bible says, as a single woman you are better able to serve the Lord than a married woman and there are special rewards in heaven for that I am sure.
Blessings and Hugs my friend…..
Thank you so much, Mrs. B. I knew that you would care and be understanding.:) I think that verse means a woman without kids, because I sure feel very handicapped as a single mother–there is so much that I cannot do for others because of my family responsibilities–which is serving the Lord.:) I look at other verses like God saying that’s not good for man to be alone (I think that means a woman, too) and in Timothy where it says women are to remarry. My hurt has been nearly every day for the last 12 years. And even before that when my husband did not want me.:( *tears*
Mrs. B., I wanted to tell you how much I admire you for staying at home, even though the Lord didn’t give you children. It is such a good example to me and so many other ladies. I also love how you have chosen to view your situation. I know it does hurt you sometimes, but you have tried to make the best of it.:)
Thank you Janet. :)
((hugs)) I know how that feels. It’s not that you want THEIR happiness. It’s just that their happiness reminds you of your loss. It’s not that you don’t want them to be happy or hold hands or love one another–it just hurts.
Yes, that is how I feel, Lizzie. I am happy for them, but reminded sharply of my deep loss.
{{{{Hugs}}}}
I became married two months shy of my 37th birthday. Therefore, I spent many of my unmarried years without a spouse. Yet, I watched everyone else getting, “coupled-off,” happily married, but I was still stuck alone in my apartment (later, I had a duplex to be alone in). I was miserable during those days, so in certain ways, I can relate to your frustration.
If truth be told, if I lost my husband right now, I would fall apart. I was unmarried for SO long, and I know what that loneliness entails, and I am NOT ready to go back and do that loneliness all over again! It’s like Mrs. B stated, it is a blessing to be married, but there are other worries too – ones I had not anticipated or thought much about during my unmarried years.
In any event, I will keep you in my thoughts, Dear Friend.
Yes, the loneliness is just heartbreaking! A good friend of mine was married later than her friends, but it was still in her twenties, and it almost killed her. She went through so much deep heartache because of that. I know it had to be much harder getting married in your late 30s. I’m so glad God sent you your husband!
It is also hard not having anyone to help me. I cried the other day because the dog kennel needed to be fixed, and we girls have to manage the best way we can without anyone to help us.:( God made man and woman to be a team, because He knew it was the best way. He knew they needed each other.
I’ve felt this way at times, too. Divorce and prolonged singleness is the curse of our age – you’re not alone in this; it’s everywhere.
But I don’t think it’s hopeless at all. I’ve done a lot of reading about dating and relationships these past several years, and learned what forces and attitudes in the church and our culture work against marriage, and how to counter them. You have a beautiful spirit, and there’s no reason you won’t be found by another husband. Perhaps God will lead you into some new directions. Message me if you like – I’ll tell you about the books I’ve been reading that have given me a lot of hope in this area. One is How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, by Dr. Cloud. There are some others, too.
Blessings to you – don’t despair!
love,
Lisa
Thank you for understanding and for your suggestions, Lisa. It means so much to have someone who understands. I do have a sweetheart, but we are separated by 500 miles and rarely get to see each other. I feel our situation is so hopeless without God to intervene.
I can so relate to you even now that I have a wonderful husband and daughter. I have had to wait for several big events in my life to come to pass. All the time, I wondered how come I have to wait, where’s the justice in that? I really really thought that the Lord would bless me with happiness and all my wishes would come true because I worked so hard and tried to be in the Lords’ favor thru my heartfelt work, ministries, Bible reading etc. I recently have gotten a wiser in the knowledge that God is not promising me my rainbows and sunshine. In fact evidence of the me being in his will is that I do have those trials and have to lean of Him. Well I guess He wanted me to have crick in my back from all this Leaning!!!
BlueberryLady,
My dear friend, I knew you would understand very much where I’m coming from. I’ll never forget all the hurt you felt while waiting on God to bring your husband to you. And he was so worth the wait! He is perfect for you.:)