Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14

Posted under Biblical Womanhood, Encouraging Quotes, The Family
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Last week a friend loaned me The Return of the Daughters DVD. I had wanted to watch it for some time and was so thrilled to get a chance to see it.

The Return of the Daughters is a documentary discussing how many Christian daughters are rejecting the normal expectation to leave home in order to attend college or to pursue independent pursuits after completing high school. These girls are electing to stay home and serve their fathers, to further his ministry or occupation, while preparing to be homemakers in their own homes someday. The term “serve” may be offensive to some, but it is not a negative term. Just as a public official is serving his community, a daughter can serve to bless her home and others by remaining at home after high school.

First of all, the documentary was very professionally made. The cinematography was excellent and the music beautiful. The film was hosted by the Botkin sisters, co-authors of So Much More. These sisters are very smart, professional, and articulate. The film interviews several young ladies and their family members regarding how they came to their decision for the daughter to stay home during her years before marriage. The daughters were extremely talented and intelligient. These families represented several different situations, which was refreshing. After watching the first interview, I was afraid that everyone else would be well-to-do, but that was not the case. There were daughters featured whose fathers had businesses or ministries in which the daughters could assist. There were also daughters whose fathers did not have a business or ministry, yet these families demonstrated how the principle of staying home was fleshed out in their situations. One young lady spent her time helping everyone she could in her church, as well as mentoring the teenage girls coming behind her. One girl had a home business in keeping with the Proverbs 31 woman. Each situation was beautiful to see!

The film makes its case beautifully in many ways and by many arguments as to the reasons why a daughter may want to remain with her family during these years. One reason is that for hundreds of years, daughters always remained home with their families until marriage. They were much safer there and could help their families in multitudes of ways. They could prepare themselves for their own home one day. Even if they never married, they would still probably have their own home to keep some day. Another reason given is that it makes more sense for a child to help their fathers succeed rather than help a complete stranger become wealthy. How beautiful it is to see families work together for the common good!

I loved this documentary; it echoed so many thoughts and convictions that I have had for my own three daughters for many years. I became a born-again Christian around age 7 and have been very active in church since then. In all those years, both in church and in a Christian school for 4 years, I never remember being told about Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. These Scriptures were so foreign to me when I married. We were constantly being counseled to go to a Christian college and to find the career path that God wanted for us. It was not discussed that the Bible says that Christian women are to “guard the home” (I Timothy 5:14), to “look well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27), and to be “keepers at home” (Titus 2:3-5). I started going my present church 2 1/2 years ago, where it is consistently taught what God’s plan of ministry is for women. It is such a joy to be in a place that holds to the Bible in this area. I believe it is vital because a godly wife/mother shapes the Christian home, the church, and the nation. There is no greater impact she could have on this world and for the Kingdom of God! NONE! Proverbs 31:29 says it best: “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all” (emphasis mine).

I need to state that I don’t believe that a college education for daughters is sinful. I think furthering one’s education should continue for all of life whether through college or teaching yourself through the multitude of learning opportunities we have today. However, I do think that Christian parents should think twice and very seriously about sending their daughters out of town, where they cannot watch after them. (After all, no one will watch after your child like you will.) Even in a Christian college, you are relinquishing everything about your daughter’s life to that college, including their safety. There is also the issue of the high price of colleges. It makes no sense to run up huge debts for college expenses which make the daughter almost have to leave her children in order to pay them back, or forces the daughter’s mother into work to pay for her college. Just because it is considered the norm to send children away to colleges, make sure it’s God’s will. Be willing to seek HIM and obey HIM no matter what the cost.

There are so many ways that daughters serving their families can manifest itself in each home. In a single mother’s home like mine, the daughters could help their mother’s home businesses. In any home daughters could attend local college or college through the internet, so that they remain under their parents’ oversight and not run up huge debts. Daughters can minister freely to members of their church before the responsibility of their own homes makes it hard, if not impossible. So many elderly people need to be visited, new or harried mothers need assistance, and the sick needs meals brought to them and chores done.

There are those who vehemently disagree with the concepts shared in the film. I would like to ask, What is more biblical, sending your daughters to the wolves of this world as Bro. Voddie Baucham argues in this film, or preparing her for her future home that the Bible says she is responsible for? Sending them to someone else’s authority or allowing them to minister in their church? Are you willing to seek His will and obey it no matter what the culture dictates to us is normal?

There are also a lot of women concerned with “What if my daughter ends up widowed or divorce? How can she care for herself and her family without a college education?” As a single mother I can testify, and so many other single mothers I know will agree, that God will make a way. He will provide for her first through you, then through other Christians, and perhaps through a home business. I think it’s a wise thing to teach a daughter something she can use to earn money from home, whether she is married or ends up single again. This can be taught through college or apprenticeship. Even if she becomes single again through death or divorce, it does not negate the responsibility that God has given a woman in the home. In fact, children will need their mother more in those situations.

I highly recommend The Return of the Daughters. You may not agree with this film and its concepts, but if you have a receptive heart, it will give you something to pray about and to search the Scriptures for.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14

Posted under Biblical Womanhood, Christianity, Homemaking, Mothering, Movie Reviews, Single Mothers, The Family
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a. Verse 3 — “Honor widows that are widows indeed.” Widows without resources (”widows indeed”) are to be cared for and supported (”honor” means pay, cf. v. 17) and not forced to go to work, again reinforcing that a woman is to have her ministry in the home. I believe the principle of supporting a widow without resources could even be applied, for example, to a believing wife whose unbelieving husband commits adultery and forsakes her—leaving her with children at home. She should not be forced to go to work. A woman who has no resources is to be paid. Verse 4 tells us who should take care of her. (Emphasis mine.)

b. Verse 4 — “If any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.” If a man is related to a widow without resources, he is to practice his Christianity in the home by supplying her need before practicing it in the church. Again, that is so she can stay in the home—where God wants her to be. (Emphasis mine.)

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Now, I want you to look with me in verses 9 and 10 and the qualifications for being a part of this group. Now this is so basic. Here are the qualifications for a woman reaching sixty, having lost her husband to be put on this list, to be added to this group. Qualification number one, verse 9, “Let not a widow be enrolled or put on the list unless she’s over sixty.” That’s the idea. It starts with being over sixty. Now there’s nothing said here about support, as I said before. If you try to equate the two, and some people have tried to do that. They’ve tried to say, “Well the only widows a church is to support are the ones that are over sixty.” That’s not true. That’s not true at all. We have just said that the widows who are to be supported are any women who are without a husband and without support. There’s no age qualification. The age qualification comes for the widows who are put on this list of official servants in the church, not the ones that are supported by the church. The church is to take up the care and demonstrate the compassion of God to any woman who has lost her husband whatever age she is and make sure that her needs are met. (Emphasis mine.)

But when it comes to that official group of women who serve in the church, they have to be over sixty. There’s no age limit placed on the support issue. And I want you to understand that.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14

Posted under Biblical Womanhood, Christianity, Single Mothers
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Is a Wife to be the Breadwinner of Her Family?

I tried to find a place in the Bible that says a wife may be the breadwinner. I didn’t find it. I couldn’t find any statement anywhere in the Bible that says the wife is to be the protector, the preserver, or the provider of the family. In fact, what I did find was just the opposite. First Timothy 5:8 talks about the husband’s role and says, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” The context here is that the man is to provide for any widow in his own house or immediate family, but it also extends to those in his extended family. The point is that the husband is to be the provider—not the wife.

What about the woman with children at home whose husband dies or divorces her, and she has to go to work? But if she leaves the home, the situation becomes even worse, because then no one would be at home. The father is not there, and now even the mother is gone. Who’s responsible? If I’m related to such a person, I’m responsible to take up her support so that she can stay home. And if she doesn’t have anyone related to her who can do that, the church is responsible. But she should not have to go out and forfeit the responsibility that God has given her. (Emphasis mine.)

And what are the older women whose children are all grown and out of the house to do? The answer is in Titus 2:3-5. When they were young women, they were to be loving their husbands and children and keeping their homes. Now that their children are grown, their priority should be to invest themselves in a spiritual ministry of teaching younger women. I’m not saying that at this point a woman can’t work, but I don’t see a provision for doing so in Scripture. She may take that liberty. However, I do know Scripture says that the responsibility of the older women is to teach the younger women. Think about it: if the younger women aren’t staying home and learning from the older women, the next generation won’t have any older women who have anything to teach. There will be no legacy to pass on.

Now I know that some of you don’t have a choice. No one is taking care of you or making provision for you. Some wives are working because no other family member is willing or able to work. But that is something the church is responsible for and has unfortunately neglected for centuries. The wife is not to be the breadwinner.

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Should Mothers be Employed Outside the Home?

We have a problem in America. There are more than 42 million working mothers in America, and 6 million of those have small children. One out of every three mothers with a child under three works in a full-time job. Who is to rear the children and take care of the home? I think the answer to this problem is contained in the phrase “keepers at home” in Titus 2:5.

The phrase “keepers at home” is the Greek word oikourgov. It comes from oikov, which means “home,” and ergon, which means “work.” Oikourgov, then simply means “to work at home.” I believe that means mothers ought to work at home. You may say, “But I have a wonderful job,” “But we need the money,” “But my kids are in school.” However, the Bible says mothers are to work at home. It doesn’t say, “Under the circumstances, this is not valid.”

Now what does the word ergon mean? It refers to work, but the emphasis in the New Testament is that it involves a job or a task, and in some cases it is translated “employment.” It is not referring to the quality of work; it is referring to an assigned task. A mother is to be employed in the assigned task of working at home. This use of ergon appointed employment, task, duty, or work is seen in the following passages: Mark 13:34, John 4:34, 17:4, Acts 13:2, Philippians 2:30, and 1 Thessalonians 5:13. Also, compare 1 Timothy 5:14, which says, “I will, therefore, that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house.” The phrase “guide the house” in the Greek text is oikodespoteo, and according to two excellent Greek lexicons (Arndt and Gingrich, Moulton and Milligan) that word means “to keep house.”

So what’s a mother to do with her life? Pursue a career? I don’t see that here. According to Titus 2:3-5, a mother is to be a lover of her husband, a lover of her children, and one who does her task at home. A mother is to work inside the home—not outside.

I believe all this is related to the principle of being submissive to the husband. If a woman is working outside the home, she has a different set of circumstances to deal with: other involvements, other complications, other bosses, other people giving orders. The boss might say, “That’s not the way to dress. I want you to dress this way.” She may have to buy a new wardrobe, and if her husband doesn’t agree with her boss’s decision—there’s conflict. I think a woman who works outside the home puts herself under circumstances and authorities that know no biblical injunction to be responsible for her.

Some of the problems we’re seeing in our society today are directly related to the loss of mothers in the home. Now the issue is not whether the children are home from school yet. A mother’s obligation to her home doesn’t change just because her children are in school. In fact, psychological tests have shown that children who grow up in homes where the mother works are much more insecure than children who grow up in homes where the mothers are home. When a child is in school, if he knows his mother is at home, that serves as an anchor.

The recent epidemic of working mothers has helped contribute to missing children, delinquency, adultery, fornication, divorce, and a lack of understanding about God-ordained roles in the home, to the detriment of the next generation. And by the way, mothers who stay home and do nothing but watch soap operas and behave like unfaithful busybodies are no better. Just because a mother stays home doesn’t mean she’s spiritual. Her influence might be worse than that of another mother who works.

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Pondering the Principles

If you are a mother who works outside the home, analyze why you are working. By the time taxes, increased child-care, clothing, and transportation expenses are deducted from your income, how much extra income are you actually providing? Does an exhausting day at work determine the way you handle discipline problems in the evening, as well as the quality of attention you give your children? If you are separated or divorced and have the power to reverse that situation, try to do so. As a single parent, you will be faced with the dilemma of having someone else raise your children or having no provision for your children as you raise them. Trust God to provide for your needs through a husband (1 Tim. 5:14), a family member (1 Tim. 5:4, 8), a government subsidy, or an adequate amount of life insurance to replace the potential loss of your husband’s income so that you can fulfill the biblical role of a mother. (Emphasis mine.)

Copyright 2007, Grace to You. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Excerpts taken from The Fulfilled Family: God’s Pattern for Wives, Part 1 by John MacAuthur.
This article originally appeared here at Grace to You.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14

Posted under Biblical Womanhood, Mothering, Single Mothers, The Family
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As a single mother raising 3 daughters alone, I have always felt that the church- Christians- should do all they can to help single mothers stay at home and homeschool their children, and have written a lot about it on my blog over time. I could not believe that God would want a church to turn their backs on a mother trying to rear her children for the Lord. I could not believe that God would approve of churches turning their backs on little children who had gone through so much. I could not fathom that God wanted these precious little children to be handed over to satan in public schools. (The church is to protect every soul there.) I stepped back from this subject for a long time to pray, observe, and let the Lord teach my heart. I wanted to be sure that my convictions are in line with the Word of God, not my own agenda. More than anything, God’s Word is the most important thing to me.

I have talked extensively with my pastor about this subject, especially the passage regarding widows in I Timothy 5:3-16. During the summer, we both listened to a series of messages by John MacArthur on the Grace to You radio broadcast that addressed this topic. (I did not link to it at the time because I wanted to hear my pastor’s series on it first.) Bro. MacArthur believes that the word “widow” includes any woman that has no husband to provide for and protect her, whether he is gone due to death or divorce. He explained that “the number” (v. 9) is a group of women over 60 who vowed to serve the church for the rest of their life, while the church totally supports them. These are women whose own families could not or would not provide for them. Bro. MacArthur believes that the young widows are certainly to be cared for, but they are not to make a vow not to marry and sign up for this list of service, because sooner or later they will desire to be married, and will break their vow to serve the church. Bro. MacArthur shared many passages in the OT and NT about caring for the widows, the orphans, the fatherless (those without a father in their life), the poor, the needy, and what great judgment would fall those who turned from them. In short, God does not intend for deserted women and/or deserted children to be ignored by their brothers and sisters in Christ.

My pastor doesn’t completely agree with Bro. MacArthur, even though he highly respects the man. I appreciate this about my pastor, that he doesn’t let personal feelings get in the way of interpreting Scripture as he sees fit. My pastor does not believe that the word “widow” in the Greek or Hebrew includes a divorced woman. He feels that the list of women were women whose vow was not to marry ever again, and these women would devote their service to the church. The younger women were instructed to remarry, because in those times, the deceased man’s brother was supposed to marry her. She had options and wouldn’t need the church to help her. Even though he doesn’t believe the I Timothy 5 passage includes divorced women, my pastor firmly believes that if there is such a woman who needs help of any kind, this would fall under the church helping those who are of the household of faith. He says that even though she is not a widow, it is no excuse for the church not to help these women. He further states that helping a mother stay at home with her children is helping a sister in Christ to obey Scripture (Titus 2:3-5). My pastor preaches often that women are to be keepers at home, and he firmly holds that homeschooling is the best and safest mode of education for Christian children today. It is not just a lifestyle.

I personally feel that Bro. MacArthur’s teaching makes more sense than anything I have ever heard. I am so thankful for the teachings of my pastor too, because it has opened a family member’s eyes even further to our needs and the honorable ministry of a mother. Seeing God work in my life opened this heart first while I tried to faithfully obey God despite the circumstances, but the teachings have help solidify it and give even more respect from this person. Godly stay at home moms are not lazy and selfish. They are serving the Lord just as much as a pastor or missionary is in their callings. We desperately need teaching like this in our churches today.

God has taught me so many things over my adult years, but even more during these years as a single mom. I’m so grateful for the lessons the Lord has taught me, even though it meant going through some very hard times. One big thing the Lord has taught me is to look to Him for help and not other people. I believe with all my heart that Christians should help mothers to stay at home with their children, especially single mothers, and also to help them homeschool them. I believe that rearing children, no matter their ages, is the real ministry that God has for mothers. Children thrive when they have godly mothers to spend their days with. The public schools are just about completely given over to the devil, and churches ought to try to keep these innocent little ones out of there. If they don’t help them now, they may end up trying to undo all these things when the teenager is in big trouble and the family is in a mess. Over and over again in personal situations during the last couple of years, I have seen how Christian kids are being polluted in public schools. Some of it is unbelievable. I believe that souls are literally at stake. Children’s eternity is at stake. Heaven or hell.

But there will be people who will disappoint you, because they don’t share these convictions. Perhaps it has never occurred to them what a single mother and her children go through. Before I was a single mother, I never gave it any thought. When it happened to me, God sent people in my former church and also outside my congregation to be so good and kind to me until I could get on my feet. They blessed me in countless ways. I have also been very hurt at times when I felt let down by others. But God has proven over and over again that if I’m doing what He says to do, He will provide for me and my children, and He will protect us when it seems we have no one to cover us. He has made rivers in the desert and provided miracles when there was no hope nor human help possible. God has shown me that I need to depend on Him and not others, even though others should certainly help. He has shown that He is orchestrating everything in my life, even huge disappointments and losses. He has shown me that He has a great reason when He closes every door. He never takes anything away without giving something far better. I wish I could go back to certain times and just lean on Him instead of becoming desperate, clutching and clawing my way out of the pit.

If you are struggling, I want to encourage you to go to God the Father with all your needs and wait on Him. It is very hard and can be very terrifying, I know. I’ve been there and still struggle with it. Times are so much easier for me now then they were in the beginning, but I have moments where I scared and worried. If you have never read the biography of George Mueller, you simply must! Mr. Mueller ran an orphanage in Britain, but never advertised his needs. He simply prayed. On many occasions there would be no food on the table, but Mr. Mueller would simply pray, thanking God for the food, and someone would show up at the door. That’s what I call real faith! God hands are the hands of His people, and He works through them to minister to us, but we should go straight to Him in the utmost confidence. After all, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills! He owns the universe, and He can provide us with ANYTHING! People will disappoint you, or may not even notice your needs, but God never will. I have found that I may not be able to convince people to believe like me, but God will send people that do believe in the same way and will provide through them. Just go straight to the top and talk to the One who owns it all!

I will be linking to some outside resources in the next post.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. ~Psalms 19:14

Posted under Biblical Womanhood, Homeschooling, Single Mothers
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